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Getting what you give

14 Mar

A wise and insightful friend left a comment on my last post that has been on my mind ever since I first read it. Here’s what she wrote:

Maybe you find your self attracting men who are already attached/ somewhat attached is because YOU are attached to something or someone else in your subconscious. Perhaps an old flame or old idea of love. You know we only attract what we put out… So what are you putting out in the universe?

I think it’s a great question…and it’s probably exactly the reason (other than being mistress age) why I attract an inordinate number of married men. I attract men who are unavailable because I am also unavailable. In addition to the several standing commitments I have on a weekly basis, I am attempting to both write a dissertation and search/apply for full-time jobs. My schedule operates on the academic calendar, and on the scholarly schedule of my field. At any given point in the year, I am researching, writing, and preparing to submit or present one or more conference proposals, conference presentations, conference papers, or journal manuscripts. The point: my time is over-committed and unavailable and I’m usually much more tired than I am interested in leisure activities and outings.

It’s really amazing that I meet any men at all given how much my social activities are built to overlap with my academic and professional life…but it’s also not surprising that most of the men I meet also lead ultra-committed lives. There is a key difference between these men and me: a large portion of their commitments are to women whom they married, while mine are to my professional life. But at the end of the day, I guess we’re both unavailable…and I get what I give.

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2 Comments

Posted by on March 14, 2012 in Dating, Marriage, Reflection

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Getting what you give

  1. Jessica P. (@JessicaLTL)

    March 14, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    I still think you need to dig deeper. I think you just took the easy way out. “I’m busy… oh well.” Because there are people with careers, and working on degrees that are in relationships or married. If thats what you really want and you are open to receiving it, it will come. (so I heard)

     
    • That Girl

      March 15, 2012 at 10:16 pm

      I actually chopped off half of this blog before posting…the other part is coming soon. And what it basically says is that I’m really not that open to receiving it.

       

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