Late Nights & Early Mornings: Conference Season

14 Apr

I, like many people, attend several professional conferences in a year. Last year’s conference season is what opened my eyes to the fact that I’ve reached what one of my SBF girlfriends, Sunni, refers to a mistress age. Mistress age is the age at which you become an attractive romantic option for married men. Though I’m sure this age can vary for many people, I believe that it usually happens to women in their late twenties. The funny thing about mistress age, is that a woman who has reached mistress age will rarely realize that she has reached this milestone in life. Mistress age snuck up on me like an unmarked cop car on a busy freeway. I didn’t see it coming, and even once it arrived, I wasn’t able to identify it immediately.

Then, suddenly, one day I looked up and realized that in one year I’d been inappropriately involved (in some fashion, ranging from conversation to sex) with four different married men. The interactions were inappropriate because the men were married. I have these four men to thank for my post on asking the right questions; each of them has added at least one question to that list. If I’d had this list before I met each of them, I most likely would have never ended up in such inappropriate positions with them. However, in my defense (if I’m even allowed such a thing), married men who are seeking a mistress rarely state that they are married. In fact, out of the four, only one has ever spoken the words “I’m married” to me. He also happens to be the only one with whom my interactions never advanced past conversation. Therein lies the dilemma of being mistress age, which is truly a conversation for a different blog post…because this one is about conference season.

Before describing conference season, though, it was important to explain the concept of being mistress age, because that’s the only way you’ll understand what happens to me, and I’m sure other mistress-aged women, during conference season: we somehow morph into a target only viewable by men who have wives. This brings us to the purpose of this post. I have attended a few conferences in the past month, one of which happens to be the same one that brought married men numbers 2 and 3 into my life last year. As always, my experiences with the eligible and ineligible bachelors attending these conferences have given me lots to think about. So, my next few posts will all be the “Conference Season Chronicles”, in which I will discuss my interactions with the men (some married and some unconfirmed) with whom I interact. Late nights and early mornings…those are the elements that make conference-going an interesting, unpredictable, and enjoyable activity. If you want the details, read the CSCs as I post them.

*thanks to Marsha Ambrosius for help with the blog title


Posted by on April 14, 2011 in Conference Season, Reflection


Tags: , , ,

5 responses to “Late Nights & Early Mornings: Conference Season

  1. N.A. Kudumu

    April 21, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Adroit and accurate commentary. The reality of it all makes the mind reel. But there is another reality that women often purposefully ignore: the female intuition.

    Our intuitions are far better than we give them credit for
    and we often blatantly don’t follow them hoping a motherf****er will act right or because we are “in need”. In the words of one of my tried and true besties “if we really intend to do right, then we always have to play defense but the reality is that we don’t always intend to do right.”

    But much applause for shedding like on this issue. I wasn’t hoping academia wasn’t as loose and grimey as you portray it but alas I am again proved wrong.

    • nunya-biznazz

      June 24, 2011 at 8:26 pm

      So very true…the female intuition is a powerful tool, and I have definitely learned to be more trusting of my own. When I really reflect on it, there were moments with each of the 3 men who were not upfront about their marital status when I felt something in the pit of my stomach warning me to tread lightly.

      But heres the other thing: even the best defensive end gets tired sometimes. I get so tired of playing defense that I more than hope a MF will act right…I convince myself that he is/will/has doing/do/done just that. Through these experiences, though, I’m starting to believe that no matter how many layers (degrees, experiences, years, etc.) are packed on top, the core of most men is the same–able and willing to lay down morals and home training for the possibility of sex with a new woman.


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