To Sex or Not to Sex?

29 Mar

That is the million dollar question. When I try to answer this question, all kinds of thoughts run through my mind: Should I sleep with him? Should I not sleep with him? I really want to, buuuut…

…I don’t want him to think I’m too easy.

…it might be too much too soon.

…that could ruin the potential of he and me becoming a we.

…I’m not sure I really wanna go there with him.

And the list goes on. I know I can’t possibly be the only non-celibate SBF who goes through a litany of questions in her mind anytime there’s the potential for sex. From talking to my SBF girlfriends, I’ve learned that we all kind of prepare our minds when we’re entering such a situation. This preparation process usually includes a decision of how far we’re willing to let things go on the day/evening in question—a decision which has a lot to do with which of 2 categories a man fits: (a) men who we’ve slept with in the past or (b) men who have never had the pleasure (ahem!) of seeing us naked.

For the Category A men, some women have a rule of thumb that any man who’s had it before can get it again, regardless of how far in the past it’s been. Others, like me, have an expiration date on the ability to get it; if my sexual relationship with someone has gone from active to inactive, he has to resubmit his application to get it…at which point I will decide if the application is approved or not.

For the Category B men, some women have a minimum wait rule—a man cannot get it unless he’s waited a minimum of [fill in the blank with the number of hours/days/weeks/months/years you think is respectable] and has stuck around to reap the reward. Other women use complex calculations to figure out if a man is sex-worthy. The calculations may include several equations based on varying factors, and look something like this:

(his ‘datable qualities’ score) – (# of mutual friends) + (initial attraction) = where this relationship is going

(length of time I’ve known him) – (how much I like him) + (how sexually attracted I am to him) = should he get it

(should he get it)/(where this relationship is going) = will he get it tonight

All of this is, of course, an oversimplification of the considerations and thoughts women have when trying to decide whether or not to sleep with a man, because sometimes rules get broken and equations are altered. Besides, no matter how extensive the preparation, we will all one day encounter a situation for which we are unprepared…and have to make a decision. So, to sex or not to sex? It’s an age old question, and I take it one man at a time.

1 Comment

Posted by on March 29, 2011 in Dating


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One response to “To Sex or Not to Sex?

  1. SBFFan

    April 4, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    After months of suffering from nosexatall, I’ve recently been put in a situation in which I have had to construct a “when he will get it equation”.

    I find that “how I want him to think of me” is an important variable that underscores the entire equation. If I don’t care what he thinks of me, he can get whenever we both want it. However, if I want him to look at me as relationship material, I have to feign subtle and decorum and prolong waiting to get it time period. Ugh.


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