It’s been noted by men that I think like a man and I’ve begun to wonder if that’s just a side effect of being a (relatively) young, completely unattached SBF. Don’t get me wrong–I’m young, but I’m older than my teenage self ever thought I would be before getting hitched. That said, I’ve had lots of experiences with men, spanning the spectrum from platonic (seriously) friendships to romantic relationships. What I’ve gained from those experiences is an increasingly clearer picture of what I want in a relationship, including points on which I’m willing to compromise and those on which I cannot.
When I was originally told, “you think like a man!” it was over the issue of dating a parent. I was entertaining frequent conversation with a man who had a young son. Each time our conversations turned to our individual future plans (a sign that we were considering formalizing at least a dating relationship), his response began with, “Well, [insert child’s name here] will be [insert child’s age here] by then, so….” At first I didn’t realize why this response bothered me so much. And then, I began to understand that while I loved the fact that he considered his child at every stage in his life, I didn’t like that the baby was always the first thing out of his mouth. I realized that I couldn’t enter a romantic relationship with a man whose #1 spot is already eternally filled by someone else.
Recently, my BFF and I (two relatively young, unattached SBFs) were talking, and our conversation turned to contraception. We agreed on a somewhat odd point–that it is a woman’s job to protect her eggs, because there are some men who want children, can recognize when a woman is good baby mama material, and will attempt to get you pregnant under the guise of an accidental condom slip or break. We then had a brief love fest in honor of the ‘Plan B’ pill which allows relatively young, unattached single females the world over to remain just as they are: young, single, unattached, and fabulous! I understand that this is not a popular view amongst many people (especially you proud parents out there), but-er-um…until I’m legally attached to a man, I’d prefer for a person to not climb out of my vagina even if that means I never have children.
These are just two ways that I know my mindset is more practical. I’m skeptical of (a) dating men with children and (b) sex with men who may want children. Does thinking with my head rather than my heart make me more masculine?