Expressing Interest

22 Jan

I spoke to one of my SBF girlfriends, Joya, this week. She’d just gotten in from a date and was catching me up on who this man was (an attractive S–as far as we know–BM lawyer), how they met (apparently through another SBF girlfriend who dated him first and passed him off…but that’s a topic for another post), and where this is all leading (sadly, all signs point to nowhere). Well, it was during this discussion, and particularly the retelling of how the transfer was made from SBF girlfriend 1 to SBF girlfriend 2 that Joya raised an issue which has stuck in my head: whether and how a SBM determines if you’re interested in dating him.

Before going further, I have to confess that Joya and I are on the same wavelength about this topic. If I go on a date with someone, respond to his text messages, and answer his phone calls, he should know that I’m interested. However, when Joya hadn’t heard from Atty. SBM after their first meeting/semi-date, her friends suggested that maybe he wasn’t aware of her interest in him. After running the scenario past a few male friends, they agreed. One even offered his own life as an example, stating that he’d been on quite a few dates with a woman who he wasn’t sure was interested. Having heard it from both her male and female counterparts, Joya took a bold step and made contact with Atty. SBM to ensure his awareness of her interest. This was out of character for her (and since I’ve already confessed our similarity on this issue, would also be out of character for me), but it led to the date she’d just finished. I told Joya that I was proud of her bold move, and we ended our conversation.

Throughout the rest of my week, I reflected on that conversation and something hit home! For about a week or two, I had been wondering why I hadn’t had my usual exchanges with an interest of mine. For a while, I was thought that maybe he’s just not that into me. Well, remembering Joya made me begin to think, “What if he doesn’t know I’m interested?” So, I went into WWJoyaD mode, got my words together, and sent him a text message. He responded. We talk-typed it out. We’re trying to schedule plans now. While there’s still a high probability that he’s just not that into me, he has been fairly clear that he doesn’t want me to have that impression.

Ladies, I leave you with this: If you haven’t heard from a man, and you haven’t explicitly stated your feelings or thoughts about him, maybe he really doesn’t know you’re interested. Men, if you’re reading, I offer you this to ponder: Why would a woman continue to spend time with you if she had no interest in you?


Posted by on January 22, 2011 in Dating, Reflection


Tags: ,

5 responses to “Expressing Interest

  1. Anonymous

    August 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    very interesting!! I met a guy on line a professional man from a good family – and we spoke once he called then for 2 days no call so i sent a text and he responded “thank u for reaching out” so we set up plans to go out and had i sat back i might not have connected with him – YES and my friend Garry always used this phrase chase HIM til HE catches YOU!!!!

    • That Girl

      September 3, 2011 at 1:02 am

      So…one text message led to a date that might not have happened otherwise. And there we have it: more evidence that women have to step outside of our boxes and make moves. Thanks for sharing!

    • Jacklyn

      October 7, 2011 at 7:32 am

      Of the pnalopy of website I’ve pored over this has the most veracity.

      • That Girl

        October 9, 2011 at 11:02 am

        Thanks Jaclyn – it’s a goal of mine to both speak and write openly and honestly.


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